It’s Sunday evening, and Bill is frustrated because it is…
It’s that dreaded Sunday evening for…
…for all non-custodial parents. When you, the non-custodial parent, return your children to the custodial parent after you’ve had such a fun weekend with your kids. And Bill will soon take his three young children back to his estranged wife’s house. He’s feeling angry, depressed, and insignificant. But Bill still gets his children to his wife’s home at 6:00 p.m. sharp on that Sunday evening. Because Bill has been raised to play by the rules.
pardon my writer’s dust
not finished yet
And Bill still gets his children to his wife’s home at 6:00 p.m. sharp on that Sunday evening.
Then Bill returns to his apartment. Alone. And sits and stares at the walls. Angry and feeling isolated – even when he is with friends.
Bill is feeling insignificant. Judging by all outward appearances, he has done well with his career and is doing well with his children. Bill has followed all the rules like – “Get a good job. Work hard. Be involved in your community. Take your family to church. And…”
People – his employees and clients – say he is a successful businessman, a great member of his community, and a good father to his children. But Bill does not feel good at all about his success in life. He feels his life and his life’s work is not significant. Bill sees himself as unsuccessful.
Life feels pretty empty for Bill right now.
Success versus Significance
Bill keeps wondering,
“If I really am successful, why do I feel so dissatisfied with my life?”
“Am I chasing someone else’s version of success for me?”
“Is my life significant? Am I significant?”
“My friend, Alvin, keeps telling me, ‘The life you lead is the legacy you leave.’ I keep wondering if I am leading a life that is worthy of a legacy?”
Lies EVERYone Believes
It’s Not Your Fault
Unfortunately, Bill has been believing some huge lies about reaching his goals. And about success. Always comparing his version of success to others. That’s a design to always fee inadequate.
(See Todd Herman’s design for goal setting. Where are my notes?)
Bill has been told (and sold) these lies ALL of his life. And they are slowly destroying him from the inside. Sadly, it’s not Bill’s fault.
And if you (like me) have believed these lies, it’s NOT your fault.
Let’s talk. Let’s be candid (maybe even painfully honest) about the three HUGE lies that almost everybody believes when they try to reach their goals.
Remember, you have just believed what others have taught you. Just like I did. It’s not your fault.
But once you do understand the truth, it is your responsibility to discard these lies. Embrace the truth. And to change. Daily. One new habit at a time.
I’m just like you. I used to believe these lies. I even used to teach these lies to employees and students and athletes.
Today I apologize. To all whom I have taught these lies, I apologize. I’m sorry. Because I really did believe what I was teaching.
But starting now. Now it’s your / my responsibility to change. At first, it’s painful. But you are worth it. The changes are worth it.
The Three HUGE Lies
HUGE Lie #1 – You can get EVERYthing you want in life if only…
HUGE Lie # 2 – It’s easy if you only…
HUGE Lie #3 – Success moves in a straight line, but…
EVERYthing You Want in Life
HUGE Lie #1 – You can get EVERYthing you want in life. If only you would…
After saying that line, the current online “experts” sell you a program of 5 easy steps to your best year ever. Or 3 easy steps to losing weight. Or 28 days to a new you. It’s all bullsh**!!! And they say, “If you just take these 3 easy steps. Just buy my program. And do it. Then you’ll be a bazillionaire just like me.” As they stand in front of their $600,000 car and their $3.5 million home. And it looks like they have rented a beautiful wife and two young children for their infomerical photo opp on their website. And you feel like a complete and utter failure.
Well, with that photo many of them do sell a lot of their over-priced programs. And welcome to their private online group with 48,000 members where you are supposed to get your one-on-one lifetime support.
HUGE Lie #1 – You can get EVERYthing you want in life. If only you would…
Not true. Not at all. If you continue to believe this lie, you will lead a dissatisfied life. I know. I used to believe ALL of this expert advice. And I used to teach it to employees and students.
Truth – you can’t get EVERYthing you want in life. But you can get ANYthing you want in life. There’s a significant difference between EVERYthing and ANYthing.
I mean. Ya gotta focus on ONE thing. Ya gotta choose that ONE thing. With obsessive focus.
Choose that ONE thing where your passion lies. And where you can excel.
Yes, you can accomplish more than what you think you can today. You can stretch your belief system. You can live and grow outside of your comfort zone.
You can get some amazing things done in your life. And you are worth it.
You CAN achieve more than ONE significant thing in your lifetime. But ya gotta choose where to start. Ya gotta choose one in your business life. And focus ALL of your assets (time, skill sets, energy) on achieving that ONE thing.
Chase one rabbit. Catch one.
Chase two rabbits. Catch none.
Chase two rabbits. And your family doesn’t eat tonight.
Chase one rabbit. Catch one. And, at least, your family eats tonight. Not a feast, but they do eat tonight.
That’s HUGE Lie #1 – You can get EVERYthing you want in life in three easy steps.
Nope. Change your thinking to you can get ANYthing you want in life. But ya gotta focus on ONE thing.
Here’s Your Beginning.
[image – venn diagram in media manager]
Focus on that ONE thing where (A) your passion and (B) your unique skill sets intersect. And where there is (C) a viable market for what you offer. This your beginning. At the intersection of these three things (your passion, your skill set and a viable market) is where you will find your first real success.
Just draw three intersecting circles. And the point where all three circles intersect is your spot. The spot in the middle is where you can start this new journey.
[image – venn diagram in media manager]
It’s easy. It’s hard. Neither…
HUGE Lie #2 – It’s easy. It’s hard. Neither.
It’s daily. It is NOT glamorous. It’s boring work. It’s ONE day at a time. It’s one new habit at a time. Making small changes and small progress. Daily. Sounds more like work than a highlight reel on the sports channel.
Leading a life of significance. Becoming successful is daily. Do not think of it as easy or hard. Just daily.
It is NOT “3 easy steps” and you’re done. And often it feels like you’re just grinding. Mile after mile. Phone call after phone call. It may feel boring. It may feel routine. It may look crazy to others who want an easy way. (The others think “there’s-an-app-for-that” kinda thinking.) Or others who may want to work really hard for just a short period of time. And get significant results after a short time.
You Are the Problem
Have you ever found yourself in front of your microwave tapping your finger on the kitchen counter because it is taking too long? A bag of popcorn take 3 minutes 30 seconds. And you pull it out of the microwave early because it is “taking too long.” We all have. And now you recognize you are the problem. You want “microwave-able results. In seconds. Well “Rome wasn’t built in seconds.”
Bad News and Good News
The bad news is: you’re the problem. The good news is: you’re the problem. And the answer. You don’t have to deal with all of the structure and internal politics of a large corporation to change things. You just have to deal with yourself.
To be successful (fill in the blank) or not to be? That is is the question. And you’re the answer. Simple, yet challenging.
Daily. Grinding. Regardless.
Sometimes success is being at your computer at 5:00 a.m. (writing, handling emails, reading, watching videos of the winners in life, finishing that college degree online at 4:30 a.m. You go, girl.) every morning. EVERY day. Including Saturdays and Sundays. On your birthday. And, yes, on holidays.
Or outside becoming one with the long road and your running shoes at 4:30 a.m. regardless of being tired, the heat and humidity, regardless of the cold and rain. Regardless. Just grinding daily. EVERY morning. Your birthday. Christmas. New Year’s morning. Daily. Grinding. Regardless.
Have you ever seen an amazing 3-point shot that wins the game? And that shot is the 12 second highlight on the sports channel. Or you’ve seen that shot on some NBA YouTube channel.
Even Outdoors in the Rain
Before that one shot, success looks like daily, boring activity. Like making (not just shooting) 100 3-point shots on the practice court EVERY day after practice while your teammates are in the showers.
Making (not just shooting) 100 3-point shots EVERY day when there is no practice while others are playing video games on their smart phones. EVERY day – even if you’re outdoors in the rain. That’s what I mean about daily and boring and grinding. Daily. Grinding. Regardless.
Not that “3 Easy Steps to Whatever You Want” program. That program. And that kind of thinking is a lie that you and I have believed. Someone did a great marketing job making you and me believe that “3 Easy Steps” will get us where we want to go. Don’t feel bad. I have bought those programs, too. Because I would rather spend the money than invest the time.
Simple. Not Easy.
I will often use the term “simple steps.” But do not confuse that expression – simple steps with easy steps. There are miles of distance between simple and easy.
I set the alarm on my smart phone for 4:44 a.m. EVERY morning. No snooze button needed. (Snooze buttons are for the “undecided.” For the non-committed. Snooze buttons are for the competition.) At 4:44 a.m. That’s simple. It’s not always easy. Regardless if a little one who can’t sleep awakes me at 1:30 in the a.m. My alarm still sounds every morning at 4:44 a.m. Simple is not always easy.
Now the 10,000 Hour Rule
Some people disagree with this 10,000 hour rule. But in more than half a century (50 years – five decades) of leading, coaching, teaching – I have seen and experienced the 10,000 hour rule. Which says you need 10,000 hours of experience in an area (a subject, a sport) to develop real expertise. Some think this is controversial – too many hours. After all, 10,000 hours is 5 years of working the normal 2,000 hours you work in one year. Others have experienced this rule, observed this rule in action and believe it is true.
You may have experience in different areas of your life that transfer to other areas in your life. For example, if you have taught in the classroom or corporate training room, that experience may serve you well as you coach on the athletic field. Or as you personally mentor someone in computer technology. Or mentor someone to a healthy lifestyle.
But do not think you can develop real expertise in an area in one short year if your starting point is zero.
And, yes, I realize that 10,000 hours of experience may take 4 to 5 to 6 years or more to accumulate in one area of expertise. But when you observe and see those who have real expertise in a discipline and are teaching others, then you become a believer in the 10,000 hour rule. And along your way to 10,000 hours of experience and developing expertise, you are developing a level of competency that people will recognize.
No Shortcuts
I have seen young athletes at the age of 10 with great expertise in a sport. And I have seen them accumulate that 10,000 hours of experience starting age age 5 practicing their skill set in the cold and the rain. And in the heat and humidity. And practicing in the dark using the light from the garage door. While their peers were watching T.V. I don’t believe there are any shortcuts to the 10,000 hour rule. If so, I have not seen the exception yet.
Success Is a Straight Line
HUGE Lie #3 – Your success path is a straight line from point A to point B. And the self-acclaimed experts say this in different ways.
For example, they may say.
“Here are the steps. Here is what other people have done. And you, too, can get there using this method and doing what they did.”
But this is not always true. And can be very disappointing and discouraging if you can’t get there the same way that the experts say you can.
Your road to success may be a winding road with setbacks and unwanted surprises. And you may have to restart. More than once. What others accomplished in two years may take you eight years. Due to babies, family and financial demands, career changes. Who knows? Maybe even a hurricane in Florida gets in your way. Or an ice storm in Missouri. Or one more class that you need to take. Or a hip replacement.
Your path may be anything but straight.
[image – success – what it really looks like]
What Is Kaizen?
Seasoned, Olympic Performance Coaches subscribe to “kaizen” thinking.
These elite coaches gather lots of persona data first. Then develop a strategy for you and help you to create new daily habits. After all of this, they focus on “kaizen” – continual improvement.
Every day’s efforts and every practice strategy is designed for you to beat your best. You are always trying to beat your personal best . Not comparing your performance to anyone else’s performance. Not comparing your strategies to others. Just continually improving your performance and your practice routines and strategies.
I’m using sports example because they are easy for most people to understand. But “kaizen” – continual improvement – is used in the corporate world as well. Introduced to the USA by Toyota.
Processes First. Not Outcomes.
In the corporate world, Toyota focuses on processes first. Not outcomes. Define and refine the processes via continual improvement. Daily in real time. When you focus on improving your processes, results will follow. For you and me, that means focus on habits and continual improvement in our personal and professional habits – our processes. And the results will follow.
Continual improvement on yourself BEFORE you focus on others. Continual improvement in habits before you expect any improvement in results.
With our elite athlete, she is not chasing any world records. She is not chasing another athlete’s performance. Just daily beating her best. Improving habits in real time. Do not chase other people’s best performance.
Eventually, her performance becomes the World’s Best Performance, the World’s Best Time, Best Distance, Best Score. In time, other athletes are chasing her performance.
Because her performance coach says,
“Ignore other people’s ideas of success. Ignore the standard practices. Focus on your personal data first, your processes and your strategies. Focus on your continual personal improvement. Just best your best. Until your best performance is the world’s best performance. Then let others chase your best performance.”
And she never chased another athlete’s performance. Just daily effort at beating her best by continual improvement in techniques, practice strategies. Process driven and not results oriented. Striving to best her best daily. Called “kaizen.” And then the results came. And she is now considered the best in the world.
About Your Author
At age 42, I was at a “stuck point” in my life and my career. Newly divorced and struggling to stay connected with my four young children. Wondering what to do with my career and my new situation in life.
I shared my concerns with one of my clients who said,
“Alvin, hire a personal coach to help you sort through things.”
So at age 43, I hired a personal / business coach. And we met weekly for 45 minutes via phone.
We focused on processes and daily improvement (kaizen) with a coach who knew very little about my industry. And in less than one year and unbeknownst to me, I reached the upper 0.5 % (in one ranking area rated #60 out of more than 11,000 financial brokers nationally) in a global Wall Street Firm. Together my coach and I accomplished this via a weekly coaching phone call. And I did NOT work my normal 80-hour work week to reach this goal. I worked less with less stress and more focus. And more relaxing times with my four children.
In hindsight, I realize that I was at a very coach-able point in my life. And that my financial success was a residual benefit of getting my “inner angry man” focused and at peace with his world. Via continual daily improvement (kaizen) in personal and professional processes and habits in my life.
Back to You
And back to this concept called “kaizen.”
Let me tell you a little story about a guy at the 1968 Olympics in Mexico. And an Olympic record set by this guy, a high jumper named Dick Fosbury. This story is still hard to believe. Even though I watched it unfold as an 18-year-old athlete watching it happen every evening on the sports news.
[story of the Fosbury Flop – abbreviated version – longer version is in a separate blogpost]
pardon my writer’s dust
not finished yet
Here are some Screen Savers…
…for your phone.
What are Screen Savers?
And why are Screen Savers important to your success?
Screen Savers are images created especially for that unique man/ that unique woman who wants to be a Legacy Lady or a Legacy Man and change the world one person at a time. Starting with themselves. Starting with you and me.
How do Screen Savers …
…help you to change?
They are a constant reminder of your goals and what you wnat to change in yourself.
Download them from here directly to your phone’s photo gallery, and then “set as wallpaper” on your phone. They can be saved as your “home screen” or your “lock screen.” So you can see them ALL day EVERY day as a reminder of your goals and what you want to change.
As the inventory in your photo gallery grows, you can change weekly or daily depending on your goals or your personal improvement task for today.
Screen Savers Are Sharable
Just tap and share. It’s that simple.
Just tap these images and share. Your screen savers are intentionally designed for you to share with friends and team mates (your tribe) who are helping you in your legacy journey – “the life your lead is the legacy you leave.”
Be a Screen ShareR…
…for your friends.
And that’s what a Screen Saver is, how to use them and how to share them. So get busy downloading your Screen Savers. And get busy sharing so you can create your personal tribe on this journey to change the world one person / one Screen Saver at a time. It is that simple. Just some daily, consistent sharing with friends.
screen saver for your phone
720px X 1280px
screen saver for your phone
720px X 1280px
notes to editor
images
[featured image – 1024px X 800px – 400px wide X 600px tall (?) – father with two small children – branded to be consistent with all content and especially Facebook]
[image for FB – size per Yoast – 1200px X 630px]
[images – other images of transformation and one image of despair – size – 400 X 600 – to be consistent (?)]
* * * * * *
end of story
