You have toxic people in your life.

And you don’t even know it.

We all do.

I call them disguised / covert / hidden / secret / silent toxic people.

Because they are not purposefully mean or overtly annoying.

They are nice people. Maybe even funny. And they have been friends for years. No one would openly describe them as toxic.

But they bring some disguised toxicity to your life. And yes, they do affect your life negatively.

I’ll do my best to describe them. And you see if you have any covert toxic people in your life.

You have that well meaning and bighearted friend that makes you smile and laugh.

But who is always late to meetings and makes every one else wait.

That business friend or volunteer who makes commitments and forgets or delivers late on their promises. Consistently.

Now you are thinking of one or two people, aren’t you?

Or you realize that you may be that toxic person.

You are always (or often) making other people wait. Or making every project late.

Or making every project incomplete because you did not keep your commitment. You did not do your part.

It’s a blind spot that many of us have.

Two blind spots. Both that covert toxic friend you have. Or being that disguised toxic team member who is always late. And undependable.

Many of us have a toxic friend like this – hidden and disguised, but not overtly toxic.

Or we are that toxic member on a team. Always adding to every body else’s work load. Creating a burden on everyone else.

And they are (we are) not aware of this. Or not wanting to be aware of the negative effect we have on others.

My solution is: (and I am facing this issue right now, so I feel your discomfort) . . .

My solution is limiting contact with these toxic people.

No need to delete them from your life if they are bringing friendship and value and laughter to your life.

But set some clear limits. Like not having them on your team or your committee. Or not depending on them to get critical work done on time.

Of course, this may involve an uncomfortable conversation. Or an uncomfortable decision as a leader.

But let them know that they can no longer have a critical role on the team because they are negatively affecting performance and creating more work for others.

Or just stop waiting on them because they are late to every meeting.

And do not rewind / or review / the part of the meeting that they missed.

You’re just giving this toxic person an opportunity to “adult.”

It is their opportunity to become an adult. To act like an adult. And to take adult responsibility.

This is the conversation you would have with your children and grandchildren about being on time and keeping their commitments.

With your friend or colleague, this could be a messy conversation.

But you owe it to yourself and others to place a higher value on your time – your only real resource, and a resource that is non-renewable.

And stop putting everyone else in second place behind this toxic team member.

Your reliable friends and team members deserve to be treated better.

And, if you’re like me, you constantly carry a irritating resentment towards them for always being late and affecting your team’s performance. Or making you and your project late.

Even if you would not say this out loud, you do carry that resentment and it becomes an internal toxin.

So this nice friend not only makes you late and makes your project late – they are occupying valuable space in your brain.

You deserve better.

Your team deserves better.

Set limits with this toxic person soon . Today.

You will gain some much deserved freedom.

You’ll be glad you did.